Oct

8

Argh, Tweakers

Filed Under Software 

Tweakers are one of several banes of my existence.

Tweakers second guess the kernel developers and use third-party software utilities to "clean" the registry and remove/disable system services they shouldn't be touching.

They often end up with more than one registry cleaner, more than one antivirus, and/or more than one firewall application running at the same time. Tweakers care a lot about system speed, so of course this will make them download/apply more tweaks in an attempt to offset the speed decrease from all of the junk software they have installed and running.

They change every option in the system to something bizarre and follow nutball crazy tech evangelists such as (but not limited to) Kim Komando and Steve Gibson of GRC.

They listen to their friends who know less than them and swear by software such as (but not limited to) Norton Antivirus.

Their systems come into my shop because they're ridiculously broken, and I spend hours removing conflicting "one-click fix" software that has ironically caused the breakdown of the machine and re-applying system defaults (using things like Dial-a-fix to guide me). When I tell them that these software packages they're using are pieces of junk and are causing all of the problems, they don't believe me.

They always disable System Restore (because they don't think it works well enough or they think it takes up a lot of resources) so there's no way I can go back to a sane system state by rolling back individual hives. They usually "replace" System Restore with Norton GoBack or some other ridiculously bad program.

I'm sure Dr. J.D. Azil will chime in with more stuff about tweakers. Doctor?

  1. Install Windows
  2. Leave it the fuck alone

Okay, there may be actual tweakers that know what they're doing, but I never see them. Why would I? They know what they're doing!

I also see kids (usually self-professed "gamers") who do the following to their homebuilt machines:

  • Attach a CPU heatsink without using any thermal paste
  • Screw the motherboard directly to the case (without standoffs)
  • Chain multiple fans from a single molex connector where the chain finishes at a hard drive (or two)
  • Forcing RAM modules in backwards
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Comments

9 Responses to “Argh, Tweakers”

  1. # DjLizard on October 8th, 2007 9:52 AM

    I just realized... Dial-a-fix is a one-click fix program that actually works!

  2. # jimmsta on October 8th, 2007 3:21 PM

    I've actually found where some people end up getting their machines tweaked-out at - Best Buy - They use a single registry file that contains a ton of unreliable, questionable "tweaks", which they apply as a "system optimizer". I hate having to deal with crap like that...

    Personally, I just install windows, update it fully, clean the temp folders, run a defrag (with jkdefrag, 3% free space at the beginning of the drive), run a defrag of the boot files, run ERuNT & NTREGOPT, reboot, then run ProcessIdleTasks. That usually gets any system to its optimal performing state... or at least, I've had a lot of luck with that process. No need to change magical registry entries to get the desired effect.

  3. # DjLizard on October 8th, 2007 3:40 PM

    I forgot about that .reg file. There's a few things in it that I do but they aren't secrets.

  4. # miekiemoes on October 9th, 2007 7:00 AM

    Glad to read that there are still people who actually don't recommend "tweakers" and Registry Cleaners. Unfortunately it's hard to convince people that above tools are a bad idea. Even after they really screwed up their system with it, they still won't believe it and proceed with using these "tweakers". *sigh*

  5. # Dr JD Azil on October 10th, 2007 10:11 PM

    Hmmm, after great deliberation and insightful debate I've come up with a few tips to make your machine run faster. Mind you, these aren't exactly tweaks, they are just some of the best programs to have running on your computer.

    1.) Kodak Easyshare - download it and install it. There is simply nothing better for organizing and viewing pictures. Did I mention how much faster your machine will boot with this running? Your Kodak camera will freak out without this installed as well. No other program will work with it.

    2.) At least 3 instant messenger programs that load on startup. I think AIM, Yahoo and MSN are a good start. While you're at it, you should definitely let all 3 of these install their wonderfully useful toolbars into Internet Explorer.

    3.) Referring back to item 2. The toolbars are terrific at blocking popups and filling in forms and a myriad of other super useful tasks. Letting Internet Explorer's popup blocker do the job will not suffice. Let Google have the first go at it, if it misses one, it's pals Yahoo and MSN are but a few steps away eagerly awaiting to block those nasty popups.

    4.) If you aren't a noob, you will have AOL VR and AOL 9.0 both loading at startup. You never know when you may get tired of one. With both loaded at startup, you are one click away from switching to the other. Isn't that neat? Bonus points for having additional versions of AOL installed. Extra bonus points if you have these installed but don't use AOL.

    5.) HP All-in-one printers. Don't have one? Get it now my friends. The software is carefully programmed with the end user in mind. 700 megabytes of fantastic software is at your finger tips to enable you to print, scan and fax. HP decided that 60 megabytes and 5 minutes is simply not good enough for their customers. How can you share in the HP experience if you don't get to sit through a 30 minute thrilling joyride of fun. Crossing your fingers in wonder...will the install work or will it fail so that I can spend even more hours sharing in the HP experience. Sorry, I was caught in the moment. It really adds to your boot speed. It's really quite a wonderful thing.

    6.) Webroot's Spysweeper. Talk about fast boot times and maximum protection. Oh wonderous joy!

    7.) Any Symantec product. You'll never get infected, period. Your computer will actually run faster, and never break with their products installed.

    8.) With Symantec, you should of course also install McAfee and ZoneAlarm. You can't lose with these 3 badboys of Internet Security. Bonus points for having additinal protection on your computer.

    Those are just a few of my favorite programs.

    The best system tweaks:

    Okay, now any good tweaker should first of all know that in order to find the best tweaks, you simply go to Google and type in: best xp tweaks . With this gem of info, you are a few steps away from one fantastic machine. Secondly, remember, there is no better advice than from your son's friend's cousin Tim who works in IT in Niagra Falls.

    Tim recommends:

    1.) start-->run--> services.msc Go through this list and randomly turn off services that don't seem to apply to you. Also, while there, change there startup types to manual or vice versa. Play with these until your system is just right.

    2.) Go to Google and download/install Group Policy Editor for XP Home and tweak away. Don't take any notes on what you do...notes are for noobs.

    3.) Data Execution Protection - turn it off

    4.) And absolutely turn off error reporting. This slows your computer down and only spits out weird files that have a bunch of weird characters in them.

    Thank you, drive through.

  6. # DjLizard on October 10th, 2007 10:38 PM

    He's joking, guys, but seriously Dr... email me a password. You need to post these "articles" on my site not as comments but as full fledged guides to computer avatarhood.

    Thou hast lost a motherfucking eighth

  7. # SuperDuperTweaker on October 12th, 2007 3:42 AM

    Install XP on C partition of 5 gig.Delete half of XP using Bold Fortune's guide.

    Install needed maintenance and virtualising securty apps.

    Turn off DEP, Sys Restore and paging.

    Unregister all dll's relating to Windows Updates and delete them as updates are useless bloatware if using virtualising security apps like the clever ones use.

    Store all your Pics, Clips and crap on D partition and use E for Ghost Images.

    Now you have a 15 second startup, 5 second shutdown machine.

    20 sec defrags with Perfectdisk with no need to use an AV or any realtime/on demand blacklist scanner as they are useless on my setups anyways.

    You want speed and security, you got it.

  8. # Eve Isk on April 1st, 2008 3:39 PM

    Forcing RAM modules in backwards.

    Guilty :(

  9. # Techy Bob at Quantum Leap Technologies on June 25th, 2008 8:46 AM

    Greetings,

    We've seen many of these "Tweaked" machines come through our service department. It's funny, nobody ever remembers to tell you that somebody tweaked their registry. Yet, they complain that the computer freezes, they can't install new hardware and it's unstable.

    In addition to making registry changes, we find a lot of Windows services disabled as well.

    Best regards,

    Bob

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